How to Write the Perfect Best Man Speech

first off—congrats ! You ‘ve been declared “ best man. ” You, of course, have many important responsibilities —groomsmen shepherding, alcohol distributing—but there ‘s in truth only one job that will secure your gallant rise into the ranks of the very best best men : giving a killer toast .

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The Best ( and Worst ) Best man Speech Ever

The best serviceman ‘s lecture traditionally follows the groom ‘s lecture, and it ‘s a gamble for you to say some fresh words about your kinship with the copulate and wish your best pal well in his fresh marriage. But if the think of giving a address has your kneecaps sweating, loosen. We found you a coach with years of experience delivering well-crafted and dear words to millions of people. While Barack Obama did not respond to our DM, we found the actual future best thing : his former speechwriter David Litt .

Meet the Expert
David Litt was the speechwriter for President Barack Obama from 2011 to 2016 and is the writer of the New York Times best-selling script Thanks, Obama. We tapped Litt to help us create this guide on getting the process started. Read on for speechwriting tips, and even ideas for best man speeches, to pull off the best goner ever .

best man speech tips
Michela Buttignol/Brides

Best Man Speech Template

Getting all your thoughts and feelings down on composition can be overpower, specially if you ‘re not used to sharing those sentiments with the guys. here is a guideline for finding your flow .

Find a theme. A root is a unite mind that ties the solid speech together. think of it as the takeout of your speech, or think about the one thing you want guests to remember. The best way to identify your theme is by making a list of your darling stories. “ You ’ re not going to precisely write a speech from chicken feed. Start by brainstorming stories. Most importantly, what you ’ rhenium looking for is the theme that comes out of those anecdotes, ” says Litt .

Build a framework. The best way to organize your thoughts is to create a blueprint of the key points you want to hit first gear, screen of like a goner skeleton. After you ‘ve established the roadmap, fill it in with apposite details and memories while silent ensuring you ‘re staying on point. “ Think about it in terms of ideas, ” says Litt. “ You can get in one or two light anecdotes, possibly three, and one big idea. If those are adept, you don ’ t need more. ”

rather of think as the speaker, put yourself in the shoes of person in the hearing. Think about what they ’ ra looking for rather than what you want to do. Focus on the newlyweds. Most best men will include a report or two about their friendship with the stableman, but do n’t center the unharmed lecture on it. “ Remember the relationship that you ’ re celebrate is the one between the two people getting married. You ’ re giving the speech because you can shine some unique light on that relationship, ” says Litt. “ If the relationship that you ’ re in truth giving the actor’s line about is the matchless between you and the groom, you ’ re there ; things are awkward. ”

Share your feelings. Deliver something more meaningful than one antic after another. “ by and large speaking, men think of the best man speech as a funny manner of speaking to give because we ’ rhenium identical uncomfortable sharing how we actually feel. But, what makes a adept good man lecture is the part where person shares how they feel. Humor is just the frosting on the cake, ” says Litt. The newlyweds chose you to speak because you have something luminary to add to their big day. Embrace your personal insight into their bond and do n’t try to dilute it by barely being curious .

Best Man Speech Tips

here are David Litt ‘s best tips for write and delivering your best man goner .

Consider your audience. You ca n’t nail a speech if you have no theme who to tailor the capacity to. “ Feel free to ask ahead. When I was writing speeches for the president of the united states, we had a point of contact where the speech was happening to say who precisely is in the audience. You can do a smaller scale version of that. Your POC is probably your acquaintance getting married. But the nice thing about giving a best world manner of speaking is that, ideally, it ’ randomness both specific to you and universal to the match, ” says Litt .

Guests should feel like they know you a small bite, and that they know the copulate truly well after you ’ re done. Find a theme. A subject is a unite estimate that ties the unharmed speech together. think of it as the takeout of your address, the one matter you want guests to remember subsequently. The best manner to identify your theme is by making a list of your front-runner stories. “ You ’ re not going to barely write a manner of speaking from abrasion. Start by brainstorming stories. Most importantly, what you ’ ra looking for is the subject that comes out of those anecdotes, ” says Litt .

Relax. “ I would say about never start with talking about how skittish you are. I ’ d besides say good relax. That ’ s a heavily thing to tell person to do, but to put it differently : Remember, you ’ ra not putting on a picture, ” says Litt. “ You ‘re plainly talking about your best friend and the love of their life, two people that you ‘ve probably spent a lot of meter with. In the end, it should equitable flow and come out well. ” Litt besides suggests to “ imagine you ’ re fair telling a story to a group of friends because, in truth, you are. ”

Stay true to yourself. Stick with who you are and how you would normally act around your friends ; you do n’t need to adopt a fictional character equitable because you ‘re giving a speech. For example, if you are n’t normally the comedian in the group, do n’t try to tell a bunch together of jokes. If you ‘re not normally a super-sentimental person, do n’t force it—there ‘s nothing incorrect with keeping your speech more blithe. The copulate already knows ( and loves ) your personality, so the more genuine you are, the better your lecture will be received by both the newlyweds and their guests.

Don’t rely solely on humor. While a few jokes sprinkled in can be a great tool for loosening up the crowd, do n’t make these the meat of your toast—especially if comedy does n’t come naturally to you. “ Let me put it this way—there ’ south such a thing as excessively many bad jokes, and that numeral is about one. The more you treat it as an open-mic night, the less felicitous everyone involved is going to be. You don ’ t need to go in remember, ‘How do I get invited back next week ? ‘ ” explains Litt .

Keep things positive. even if you think it ‘s well-meaning, do n’t turn the goner into a roast or make jokes at the copulate ‘s expense. “ I ’ ve seen best valet speeches where person thinks, ‘Oh, my occupation is to roast the groom. ‘ Unless the couple specifically told you that ’ s your caper, that ’ s not your job. The way to think about jokes is that you don ’ t want people to be laughing at the groom or at the couple. You want people to be laughing because they suddenly know the dress better than they did earlier. ” says Litt .

Don’t upstage the newlyweds. Litt ‘s previous foreman ( hem, early President Obama ) truly enjoyed telling other people ‘s stories at talk engagements, and this ultimately strengthened his messages. “ His speeches are not in truth about him. They ’ re about early people, ” says Litt. Channel Obama by keeping your actor’s line focused on the copulate. “ You ’ re not performing. You ’ re there because you know person and caution about them, and you ’ re sharing that with a bunch of early people. even a great best serviceman speech is not supposed to steal the show. If person says, ‘That speech was dainty but about forgettable because we were so focused on the bride and groom, ‘ that ’ s a succeed. You don ’ t need to be the star topology, ” advises Litt .

Make sure it’s appropriate. “ My general rule for wedding speeches is : If you have to ask yourself, ‘Is this appropriate ? ‘ it ’ mho not. And if you ’ re the kind of person who doesn ’ metric ton know, ask a ally. If they give you that slightly horrified front, listen to that spirit, ” explains Litt. Keep in mind that your consultation will include guests of diverse generations and cultures and include people like your buddy ‘s grandparents, foreman, and colleagues. Refrain from mentioning anything that you would n’t want your grandma or boss to know .

Get a second opinion. Remember : you ‘ll be delivering this crispen in movement of an audience ( as if you could forget, right ? ). So it does n’t hurt to get some feedback on what you ‘re planning on saying. “ If you ’ re the kind of person who has a track record of going a fiddling besides far with your surprises, you should be self-conscious adequate to run this by a third party—maybe another finale friend or a supporter of the bride, ” says Litt .

honestly, at the end of the day, you want to make sure the groom is happy with it, but you very want to make certain the bride is happy with it. Practice. The last thing you want to do is stand up and give a speech that you ‘ve never said out forte. “ The best thing to do is practice with a supporter. Anybody giving a boastfully address rehearses beforehand. If you ’ ve already get good feedback from field-test your remarks with a smaller group, then you ’ re going to come out on the wedding day well knowing you have a good address. It ‘s that doubt that can be chilling when you ’ re up there talk, ” says Litt .

Keep it short. Let ‘s be realistic : Super-long marriage toasts annoy guests. “ I ’ ve never been to a marry where anyone said, ‘That was a great marriage, but the best man speech was good besides short and that ruined it. ‘ I would say five minutes is the absolute maximum. Three minutes is fine. There ’ south no interrogate that if you ’ rhenium reading this, you ’ ve sat through a manner of speaking that was besides long. But when you start writing a speech, you about never think, ‘Is this going to be besides long ? ‘ ” explains Litt .

Limit your drinks. Do n’t embarrass yourself by slurring through your toast. “ Being one drink in exercise for some people, but being more than one drink in is never a adept idea. At that moment when you ’ re like, ‘You know what I need ? Another couple of shots. ‘ That is never what you need, ” advises Litt .

A Best man Speech Example to Make Your own

We asked Litt if he had heard any standout best man speeches that immediately came to mind, and he was felicitous to plowshare a particular darling. His words below :

” I was merely at a marriage where the best man gave one of the best best man speeches I ’ ve ever heard. The premise was that the groom was governed by something called ‘Andy ’ randomness law, ‘ which is, as the best man explained, the opposite of Murphy ’ s law. so rather of ‘anything that can go amiss will go wrong, ‘ the best serviceman went through all these different examples where things had equitable wholly played out in the groom ’ s favor reasonably by chance. then, the end of the address was about how the ultimate model of Andy ’ s law was finding Liz, his now-wife. It was very amusing, but besides, in the end, it was very odoriferous. ”

faq

  • When does the best man speech take place?

    The best man traditionally speaks at the wedding reception following the maid of respect, though some couples may schedule the speeches during the rehearsal dinner alternatively .

  • How many speeches does the best man give?

    The best world gives one speech either at the wedding reception or, less normally, the rehearsal dinner .

  • What are best man speeches about?

    The best man ‘s speech serves as a especial lens for the audience to better understand the groom, and the newlyweds, through his significant position within their lives. The focus should be to highlight the relationship of the newlyweds rather than the relationship between the best man and stableman .

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